idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
