dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
