remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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