So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
