When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
