But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
