my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
