You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So many bounce houses so little time
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
