you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
