can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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