The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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