Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
