come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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