Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
