I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
