Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
