I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
