It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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