YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
