apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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