My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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