I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
