Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
