Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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