thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
