I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
