Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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