i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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