Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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