Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize