Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
