Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
