Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
