it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
