No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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