Her vagina should come with caution tape.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
