i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
