just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize