Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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