She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You've changed since you got that strap on
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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