Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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