You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
did i just pee glitter
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
