Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
