clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
