I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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