never play flip cup with pint glasses
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
