I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
