You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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