two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
