Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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