I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
