why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
