You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
