Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
