i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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