So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
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