Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
People with herpes should wear stickers.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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