remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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