I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
