I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
