New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My vagina is officially offended.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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