the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
