The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
