i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
