just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
