My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
