Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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