i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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