Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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