I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
