"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm passing your future prison.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
