She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
